Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The best of my 'status message's over the past.

1. Some people speak from experience. Some people, from experience, don't speak.

2. Hard work has never killed anyone, but is getting desperate now.

3. Hard work has never killed anyone, should have used a bigger gun.

4. Mere liye to kaam hi bhakti hai, kaam hi pooja hai. Par main dharmik tha hi kab. :)

5. You don't smoke, the cigarette smokes, you just SUCK.

6. Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan. - A. Whitney Brown

7. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now!

8. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a p****, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

9. I love vegetarians - some of my favorite foods are vegetarians.

10. 2 + 2 = 5, for sufficiently large values of 2.

11. Doesn't matter how much you apply, the scent of deodorant may never outlast the odor of sweat.

12. There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know 2.) .

13. He's built upside down. No, really, his feet smell and his nose runs.

14. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

17. Chastity is like cancer. It doesn't spread and can't be cured if detected too late.

18. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

19. Recession is worse than divorce. You lose half of your assets and still have your wife.

20. There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.

21. Why do banks charge a fee for "non-sufficient funds" when they know you don't have enough money?

22. How is Tarzan always clean shaved.

23. All I ask is a chance to prove that money won't make me happy.

24. There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. - Richard Feynman

25. Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

26. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. — Oscar Wilde

27. Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. —Sam Levenson

28. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. —Henny Youngman

29. Sex is like a game of bridge, It's upto your hand if you don't have a good partner.

30. The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.

31. If you are going through hell, keep going.

32. When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and 'Hang on'.

33. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

34. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'Lisp' to have 'S' in it?